The So-Called "Angel of Death Cat" Would Like to Explain Himself
Oh, come on, man. Stop for a second. You don't need to run away from me. It doesn't work like that. I don't bring death with me everywhere I go, I promise. I sense death, and then I go towards it, but not everything that I go towards is going to die imminently. Correlation does not equal causality, and all that.
I can't go to Sweetgreen with you because I can't cheat on my wife
My partner and I make our own rules. And we draw the line at fast caszh.
Rejected Titles for Aaron Copland's 'Fanfare for the Common Man'
Based on this Little Ditty, You'll Never Guess Who's About to Walk into the Room
What I learned from not winning the $1.8 billion Powerball jackpot
You can learn a lot about yourself from your daydreams. Here’s what I thought about in my time as a hypothetical rich person, and what I think it tells me about myself.
Letterboxd advice for Hollywood hopefuls
Are you afraid that sharing your honest movie opinions publicly could hurt your "career"? Do these things to bulletproof your Letterboxd account and your future in the entertainment industry.
I lost my fantasy football league and now I have to spend an entire Sunday with my wife and children as punishment
Please help me make it through.
I don't care if I'm in a time loop, I still have to do my morning pages
Twenty minutes, every day, no matter what.
If my English teacher married my gym teacher...
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged (to be married)! They announced their big news via Taylor’s Instagram, where she captioned the series of adorable photos with the cheeky “your English teacher and your gym teacher are getting married”. This made me wonder what would happen if such an engagement were to occur in my small-ass hometown.
The Little League team sponsor is going to pull the plug if you kids can't get your act together
You're not the ragtag group of so-and-so's he thought you were.
My Therapist Says You Have to Let Me Put on My Oxygen Mask First
My therapist told me that in order to help others, I have to help myself first. It sounds selfish, but it’s totally not. He had this great metaphor that made it perfectly clear to me. He told me it’s like this: on a plane, if there’s an emergency, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping someone else put on theirs.
Aaron Hertzog (comedian, writer, friend) turns his thoughts, feelings, weird obsessions, and tiny meltdowns into comedy. Dumb thoughts and sharp takes about the cultural absurdities and common anxieties of modern life. To get weekly updates delivered right to your inbox, sign up for my mailing list.