You are cordially invited to our home for a backyard friendship get-together.

If you’re reading this, congratulations, you have broken my cypher and proven yourself worthy of my message.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you.

I got bad news for you, and that news is that you don’t know shit.

You think that you’re a discerning, unique human with refined, well-developed taste. You are actually a puppet being manipulated either by strings or a hand up the butt; the choice is up to the puppeteer.

More bad news, I’m the puppeteer, and I prefer manipulation by butt hand.

In a move that must have come about in a “how can we be more like the devil” brainstorming sesh, AI Companies are paying people cash in exchange for their data.

There I was, minding my own business in line for the self-checkout at my local Whole Foods Market when I felt a tap on my shoulder. My entire body went cold. This was it. I had finally been caught.

a book on creativity by: Some Mega-Rich "Guru" A-Hole Grifter

We sat down with him to figure out what the heck his whole deal is.

The man she knows and loves was formed, collecting parts here and there from the dissecting rooms and slaughterhouses of relationships past.

I signed a morality clause, and I don’t want to get sued into oblivion by one of the largest corporations in the world.

Since everybody seems to be all up in my business, they have started to notice that I go to the hospital every single day, without fail. And since everybody is also a chatty little gossip bitch they all can’t stop speculating about why I’m there and what I’m doing while I’m there.

Get ready to hear some "hard truths", "no-nonsense advice", and a whole lot of bullshit.

"Some day this will be a funny story." - My Wife (while crying)

Oh, come on, man. Stop for a second. You don't need to run away from me. It doesn't work like that. I don't bring death with me everywhere I go, I promise. I sense death, and then I go towards it, but not everything that I go towards is going to die imminently. Correlation does not equal causality, and all that.

My partner and I make our own rules. And we draw the line at fast caszh.

Based on this Little Ditty, You'll Never Guess Who's About to Walk into the Room

You can learn a lot about yourself from your daydreams. Here’s what I thought about in my time as a hypothetical rich person, and what I think it tells me about myself.

Are you afraid that sharing your honest movie opinions publicly could hurt your "career"? Do these things to bulletproof your Letterboxd account and your future in the entertainment industry.

Please help me make it through.

Twenty minutes, every day, no matter what.