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My Therapist Says You Have to Let Me Put on My Oxygen Mask First
Comedy Aaron Hertzog Comedy Aaron Hertzog

My Therapist Says You Have to Let Me Put on My Oxygen Mask First

My therapist told me that in order to help others, I have to help myself first. It sounds selfish, but it’s totally not. He had this great metaphor that made it perfectly clear to me. He told me it’s like this: on a plane, if there’s an emergency, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping someone else put on theirs.

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While they’re at it, the Supreme Court can decide all this sh*t for me too.
Comedy Aaron Hertzog Comedy Aaron Hertzog

While they’re at it, the Supreme Court can decide all this sh*t for me too.

Like the mighty Colorado River forging the Grand Canyon, the Supreme Court is dead set on eroding our rights until they are a deep, plunging crevasse from which we can never crawl our way out. Except they’re looking to do it way faster. You know what, I’m sick of making decisions. If SCOTUS wants to decide everything for us, they can decide this shit for me, too.

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Seven Habits of Super Fit People (Repost)
Comedy Aaron Hertzog Comedy Aaron Hertzog

Seven Habits of Super Fit People (Repost)

Just a few simple steps can take you from being a gross-disgusting-creature-not-fit-to-be-called-a-human to someone worthy of other people’s time and attention. You may think it’s impossible to achieve your health and fitness goals, but take it from these success stories, it’s easier than you may think!

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Aaron Hertzog (comedian, writer, friend) turns his thoughts, feelings, weird obsessions, and tiny meltdowns into comedy. Dumb thoughts and sharp takes about the cultural absurdities and common anxieties of modern life. To get weekly updates delivered right to your inbox, sign up for my mailing list.