The New News
Why trust the mainstream media when you can get your news from any one of these modern sources?
Political podcasts that devolved into self-parody in 2018.
Clips from late-night comedy television shows that are edited for social media and end up in your curated feed even though you don’t follow the accounts.
Articles sent in group chats from friends whose online presence you can’t stand, so you have to hang out with them in real life every once in a while in order to remember why you even like them.
Half-remembered facts your dad tells you that he saw on the news, or maybe it was on Facebook, or maybe somebody emailed it to him…anyways, he can’t believe they’re really doing that thing1 in some state he’ll never visit because he is sure it is hell on earth2.
YouTube videos from accounts you started following to learn proper deadlift form that became “radicalized” in 2020 when they kept getting fined for not closing their commercial gyms during covid shutdowns who try to claim it was because of “freedom” but you think it was actually because they sunk all their YouTube money into the gyms and they couldn’t afford to be closed.
Birds. Do they seem good or nah?
Satirical comedic characters that are definitely satirical; however, nobody can agree on which side they are actually satirizing, so everybody wins.3
The one-man political parody song band busking on the subway platform/on the street outside the subway stop/on the corner outside the coffee shop in your neighborhood. Why is he moving around so much, but always in places that you frequent? Does he keep getting kicked out of busking spots for not having a permit, or is your life some kind of simulation, and he’s a glitch in the programming?
The vibes in the quarterly all-hands meetings you are required to attend for your employer’s parent company.
The old guys at your local diner who have breakfast alone together at the counter every single day.
