I’m Sorry, but I am Contractually Obligated to Keep My Mouth Shut
I signed a morality clause, and I don’t want to get sued into oblivion by one of the largest corporations in the world.
I can’t tell you who I am, but I can promise you that I am one of your faves. On behalf of myself and all of your other ride-or-dies, I must ask you to please stop calling us out on social media for our staggering silence in the face of recent atrocities world events. I am, of course, completely and utterly neutral on all world events because of my deep personal beliefs and morals.
By that, I mean I am contractually obligated to keep my mouth shut because I signed a morality clause, and I don’t want to get sued into oblivion by one of the largest corporations in the world.
I can’t say for sure that all your darlings would condemn fascism, or say that Constitutional rights are good, or use our enormous platforms to speak out against the murder of innocent civilians by a tyrannical government if we could. That’s a hypothetical that I refuse to explore. After all, we can’t do those things anyway because we have moral(ity clause)s!
Do you know how scared we (the wealthy, successful, beautiful Hollywood heavyweights you pin up and bow down to) are right now? One false move and it's all over for us. One, “I don’t know if that’s right,” and we might not be able to dress up in head-to-toe leather and get paid $50 million to pretend to be a guy with courage who stands up to the bad guys anymore. Pretending to be a good person who does the right thing no matter what is important in these trying times. Telling these stories on the big screen, where 50-year-old men who never got over their childhood can see them and be inspired, is important. Getting paid $50 million is important.
Please, do not think us greedy. Getting paid to pretend to be a good person will allow us to do a lot of actual good in the world. Someday. Once our contracts are up. Our morality clauses forbid us from making a difference now, because what if that difference clashes with something our Corporate Overlords generous, creative teammates in the entertainment industry want to partner with. Maybe one day, I’ll want to help little baby ducklings not be covered in oil until they die a horrible death, but that day will have to wait until I don’t have to consider that Exxon “Oil Company X” might want to buy advertising time with Disney “Channel D.”
So, please, stop calling us cowards. And stop threatening to boycott our important films. Do you even understand that all of this brings down our Q score. Q scores are important, a high Q Score means we have more negotiating power. Can you even imagine the clauses we’d have to sign if we had even less negotiating power than we do now? You don’t have to imagine – just think of some of your less-than-faves. You know the ones. They have to be in commercials for banks.
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