Aaron Hertzog 9/18/26 Aaron Hertzog 9/18/26

A California Almond Puts the Green Light on Sam Altman

Let it be known that from the top of the Central Valley growing fields to the bottom of every Erewhon Butter Blast Smoothie, it is open season on the snitch Sam Altman.

Aaron Hertzog 5/28/26 Aaron Hertzog 5/28/26

I Demand Your Publication Issue a Correction about the Alleged ‘Sexual Inadequacy’ of the So-Called ‘Bad Lay Strangler.’

If you’re reading this, congratulations, you have broken my cypher and proven yourself worthy of my message.

Aaron Hertzog 5/20/26 Aaron Hertzog 5/20/26

For Consideration of His Majesty, The King, on the Position of Royal Food Tester

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Aaron Hertzog 3/29/26 Aaron Hertzog 3/29/26

Have You Heard That You Can Sell Your Data to AI Companies?

In a move that must have come about in a “how can we be more like the devil” brainstorming sesh, AI Companies are paying people cash in exchange for their data.

Aaron Hertzog (comedian, writer, friend) turns his thoughts, feelings, weird obsessions, and tiny meltdowns into comedy. Dumb thoughts and sharp takes about the cultural absurdities and common anxieties of modern life. To get weekly updates delivered right to your inbox, sign up for my mailing list.