I Tried the Morning Habits of The Richest Man in the World™ for 60 Days

And now I'm in big friggin' trouble...

The world’s most powerful people all swear by their powerful morning routines. They’re able to gain powerful momentum and give themselves a powerful foundation to kick their day off in the right powerful direction through deliberate, calculated, powerful, proven habits to get their minds and bodies prepared for a high-powered day of being powerful.

I decided to test out the morning routine of one of the most powerful people in the world to see how it would impact my life. Because I want to be powerful just like them. Because I am not enough. I am small. I am weak. I am not powerful. I would like to attain more power so I can be like them (the powerful.) This is all probably the fault of my current, stupid, powerless morning routine. So, for 60 days I started my day exactly the same way as the most powerful person I could think of: The Richest Man in the World™.

Here’s what I experienced.

His day doesn’t start on the day, his days actually start on the evening of the day before, giving himself more day than just a day in every day.

I’ve seen stupid bullshit memes that say stuff like “You have the same number of hours in a day as Beyonce.” That might be true for her, a relatively poor person with a net worth of just under $1 billion, but The Richest Man in the World™ has bought himself more hours than all of the rest of us. He didn’t buy this time with money (although he probably could because he has so much of it) he bought it by being a genius.

The Richest Man in the World™ starts his day on the night before. Think about that for a second and then scoop your brains back into your skull and then keep reading. This means his Mondays start on Sundays, and his Sundays start on Saturdays. While the rest of us are winding down from the previous day and spending time with our families and resting and getting ready for sleep, The Richest Man in the World™ is wide awake with his nose to the grindstone.

I assume that he is awake to prepare for the next day. But I couldn’t actually find anything that says this anywhere. I just know he’s awake because he’s posting. He posts at all kinds of hours, deep into the night. He posts at times when everybody else is sleeping. Who’s even awake to see these posts? Somebody is, because the world is round, and it’s not the same time everywhere. This is something The Richest Man in the World™ understands better than anybody else, time zones, that is. Somebody is always awake. So he has to be always awake.

For 60 days, every day, after the end of my day, I started my next day, right away. It took some getting used to. I started saying “It’s Tuesday” on Monday evenings and then after I passed out and woke back up again I thought it was Wednesday for a while. Most of the time it would actually be Tuesday, sometimes it was still even Monday. This really shook me up in the head. My kids and my wife had to get used to it. They kept asking me to spend time with them, and I had to tell them it was time to work. They’d ask if what I was doing could wait for tomorrow and I would have to tell them that today is already tomorrow. They were just as confused as me.

Eventually never sleep at all, just occasionally pass into some sort of zone of existence that is neither asleep nor awake, neither dead or alive.

I came to discover that The Richest Man in the World™ does not actually sleep. I had to dedicate myself to total denial of the luxury of rest.

Turns out your body and brain won’t just let this happen without some serious repercussions. At some point things shut down, but not in a way that makes any sense. Sometimes I would black out, my mind turning off but my body soldiering on without me. I don’t know what my brainless body was doing in these hours, but my kids and wife sure seemed happy about it. I found that after these mental wipes, my kids would tell me they loved me a bunch more than they usually do. They actually at one point said “We really respect you, father” which is something they have never said in my whole history as their dad. My wife would look at me in a way she hasn’t in years. Her eyes burned with passion and fire that would slowly dull the longer my conscious mind remained active. Nobody will tell me why their love for me seemed to grow during the time when my mind wasn’t in control of my body. That scares me. It makes me wonder what my conscious brain is holding me back from, and why I’m so lovable when the mind that makes me me is turned completely off. Who’s in there, when I am not me? Why is that guy so cool and loved? What is wrong with me how I am?

Also very scary, but in a much different way were the times when my brain remained on but my body could not move. Every muscle shut down completely, a waking nightmare. Stuck like a living statue, aware of my surroundings but unable to react. Unable to move. Unable to speak, or scream. Oh, how I wished I could scream. I didn’t know how long these spells would last, if I’d be stuck in this place forever, if I was even still alive, or if I had been banished to the worst hell I could possibly imagine.

Take a shower.

The Richest Man in the World™ still has time for hygiene. That’s where a morning shower comes in. Luckily, the cold water hitting my body would usually help reestablish my mind-body connection, making me whole again. Although, one time, when my mind turned back on, I was in the shower with my wife and I could see that she was really disappointed when she figured out my real self was back. Her reaction was colder than the water. It was a real bummer.

Drugs. Supplements to boost daily productivity.

Now it makes sense! The Richest Man in the World™ is pumping his body full of drugs natural supplements to help boost his productivity. I must advise you, reader, to never, under any circumstances take any drugs supplements unless you are under the supervision of a doctor. Which I was. I went to my doctor with a list of drugs supplements taken by The Richest Man in the World™ and asked for his opinion. This doctor told me “In no way can I recommend that you do this. A drug supplement cocktail such as this is dangerous and irresponsible and could lead to long-term damage or premature death. Please, no matter what you may have heard or read elsewhere, do not take these, for any amount of time. I beg of you.”

The first few days on the drug supplement cocktail were pure bliss. I was so productive! My blackout/paralysis spells stopped completely. I felt more machine than man!

But here’s the thing about drugs supplements — they’re expensive. And I’m not The Richest Man in the World™ (if I was I wouldn’t have to try his morning routine because it would already be my own morning routine because I would be The Richest Man in the World™) Once I ran out of money and couldn’t afford to take the same expensive drug supplement cocktail, I crashed fast. I felt worse than ever. My heart would pound like it was going to leap out of my chest, and then all of a sudden it would stop completely, no pulse at all. Not a weak pulse, or a slow pulse, none. It’s like my heart wasn’t even there. I think I legally died at least once. I stopped breathing automatically. I actually had to think about how to breathe. My body wouldn’t just do it on its own. Do you know how scary it is to have to manually breathe? I couldn’t go to sleep! The blackouts came back. At least my wife and kids were happy again.

Engage in online hate speech.

I have no idea how this helps The Richest Man in the World™ in his successes, but it must, because he sure does a lot of it.

It didn’t help me at all. I got fired from my job. I was already on warning because of my drug use supplement routine gone bad and they said even if I wasn’t on warning I would have gotten fired because I said some really bad shit. I didn’t even mean it, I swear, I was just taking a cue from my hero, The Richest Man in the World™. I don’t even know what some of it meant, it’s just stuff I found on internet forums and slightly changed to make my own on posts. My boss said to me “well, The Richest Man in the World™ doesn’t have to answer to anyone so I guess he can get away with anything he wants” and I said “what about the President?” and my now ex-boss said “I don’t know if you pay attention to world events all that much” and I said “not usually because I’m so busy trying to figure out a way to be rich by doing the same things as people who are already rich” and he said “hey, I’m saying this as a friend, because I think that deep down you’re a really good guy —” and I cut him off and said “I’m going to stop you right there I don’t care about being a really good guy I care about being the richest motherfucker that I can be no matter what it takes I mean no matter what that’s why I said all that stuff on the internet because I thought that somehow saying bad things on the internet would make me a whole buttload of cash” and he said “why would you think that?” and I said “I don’t know, maybe because it seems to be all The Richest Man in the World™ does, I don’t know how he has time for anything else at all, he seems to be just posting hate speech constantly” and he said “I hope you get the help you need” and then security showed up to escort me out of the building so I never got to hear what he was going to say after he said I was deep down a really nice guy.

Ask my dad for money.

So now I don’t have a job, and my family hates me, and I have to somehow pay the bills, so I have to ask my dad for money.

Turns out, that’s how The Richest Man in the World™ got his start on the road to becoming The Richest Man in the World™.

So maybe I’m not so bad off after all.