The Sandlot Kids Realize Mr Mertle is Full of Crap

Smalls: Hey, guys, who's gonna go over to Mr. Mertle's house tomorrow to talk about baseball with him.

Benny: I went last week.

Ham: I'm not going.

Timmy: Me neither.

Tommy: Me neither.

Smalls: Come on, somebody's got to go. That's the deal, we gotta go talk about baseball with him.

Ham: Yeah, so you could get that ball signed by the Yankees for your step-dad.

Yeah-Yeah: Yeah yeah, we didn't get anything out of that.

Smalls: What are you talking about? We get to hear all his cool baseball stories!

Squints: Yeah, I been doin' some thinkin' and what I'm thinkin' is that Old Man Mertle is full of it.

Smalls: What?

Squints: He's telling stories! They're not true! He's making this crap up!

Yeah-Yeah: Yeah yeah, he's a liar, a phony, a fabricator, a fibber, a trickster, a falsifier, a...

Benny: OK. We get it. But why?

Squints: Well...haven't you guys noticed...Old Man Mertle looks a little more like Kenny than the rest of us.

Kenny: Hey!

Benny: Whoa!

Squnits: Well, not you, Benny, but the rest of us.

Kenny: What's that supposed to mean?

Squints: Well, he tells all these stories about playing in the Majors, and how he would have broke Babe Ruth's home run record if he didn't go blind, and he's...just a little...well...

Smalls: Just because he's blind now doesn't mean he didn't play baseball back then.

Ham: You idiot! He doesn't mean that he's blind, he means that he's black.

Smalls: So what. You're saying he can't play baseball because he's black. That's not right.

Squints: Not in the majors. Not until 1947.

Ham: I wonder if he's lying about other stuff too.

Squints: Like the Beast! I bet he really does eat people.

Kenny: Or that Ty Cobb baked him a birthday cake.

Smalls: Do you think the cure to blindness is really the gentle touch of a 12-year-old boy?

All: What!?

Smalls: He didn't...say that...to you? Me neither.

Benny: He's been lying to us about everything.

Yeah-Yeah: Yeah yeah, I can't believe we never caught on to it.

Benny: Especially since I'm such a big fan of the Dodgers.

Smalls: The who?

Benny: The Dodgers, you know the team Jackie Robinson played for. We were talking about them the other day.

Smalls: Oh, I thought you said...Jackee'.

Ham: You mean that wimpy...wait a minute, who?